July 29, 1983
When you care a lot or not
I’m a greeting card freak.
So far, my record is eight hours of searching through every card shop in a twenty-mile radius to find just the one that says just the words I want.
That time, I ended up with one of those pretty-cover, blank-on-the-inside ones so I could really say just what I wanted the receiver to hear.
Now, thank goodness, the two major greeting card companies, and some minor specialty ones, have given me just about everything I could ever wish for. Some unpaid, unsolicited commercials for greeting cards:
Hallmark is far and ahead in my book for its relatively new line called “Hallmark Lite” cards (named because they are supposedly one-third less serious than other cards).
When they first appeared, they sort of seeped into the stores … a few at a time … new ones replacing or being added to inventories of older ones.
They are zesty, sarcastic and very heavily pun-oriented. Example: A very large pickle on the cover of one card. No words. Inside it simply says, “Another birthday? Big dill.”
That kind of thing tickles my funny bone and appeals to my friends with the same puckish sense of humor I enjoy.
At present, I must have ten “Lite” cards stowed away in my desk at home … waiting for just the right time to send one to an appreciative audience. If just the right time doesn’t come along, I’ll send the card anyway, just because someone on the receiving end will laugh and laugh and laugh when it arrives.
Tucked in the corner of a card shop in the Deptford Mall is another new line of cards that could have made my fortune.
Many years ago, I remarked to one of my kids that I really should go into business designing cards for people I dislike, but to whom I’m required to send an obligatory greeting. It’s hard to muster the hypocrisy to sign my name to a sugary-sweet message that will be read by someone I’d just as soon poison.
Now the card companies have stripped the whitewash from the sepulchres and provided truth in greetings … a card line called “Hey, Creep!”
These are truly inspirations, if for no other reason than they lull the receiver into a feeling of warmth and security by the beautiful covers (usually floral) before they deliver their zing. They’re somewhat more expensive than the other, more conventional kinds of cards, but some people are worth more to insult than others.
Another line of cards in the same store carries adult messages behind angelic facades. Not perfect for everyone, but on occasion just what you were looking for.
Ever since I was a kid, I’ve hated Edgar Guest rhyming. Corny greeting cards. To each his own, of course, because many people find them perfect for expressing sentiments often difficult to put into words. Now, thanks to the creativity of some card authors, there’s something for everyone.
On a more serious note, another of my frustrations with card designers has been corrected and not too long ago either.
When my mother was ill and everyone knew she wouldn’t live much longer (including her) she kept getting those cards that said the sender couldn’t wait till she was on her feet and her old self again. She was caring enough to appreciate the fact that the card was sent at all, and she loved her friends for remembering her so constantly, but it seemed cruel to me that there wasn’t a card somewhere that offered cheer, happy thoughts, concern and caring without the mush and false hope of the usual get-well message.
Now, there is a whole slew of cards that are specially designed, simple and pretty, without the false bravado the terminally ill person can do without.
There’s really no area that hasn’t been taken care of by the profit-hungry card industry. They’ve created holidays (Grandparents’ Day, for example) to coax us into spending fortunes on greeting cards and they’ve hiked the prices so high that we can’t pare our lists down fast enough to keep pace with the cost of being thoughtful.
Sure, I could take a piece of blank paper and jot down a few, well-chosen words to express my feelings to someone near or far away … but anyone who depends on my doing that may wait longer than he or she should to hear from me. Correspondence via letter isn’t my strong suit.
Cards, though, that’s another story.
After all, who could resist a card that shows dozens of bunnies on the cover and inside says, “Thoughts of you are rabbit forming.”
Thanks, Hallmark, American Greetings and a host of other creative people who spend hours thinking of these gems … you’ve saved me a lot of trouble and brought a lot of smiles to me and the people who’ve received your creations.
Now let’s see … who’s got a birthday coming up? I saw this fantastic card …
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